An excerpt from “Out of Solitude: Three Meditations on the Christian Life” by Henri Nouwen.

In solitude we become aware that our worth is not the same as our usefulness. We can learn much in this respect from the old tree in the Tao story about a carpenter and his apprentice:

“A carpet and his apprentice were walking together through a large forest. And when they came across a tall, huge, gnarled, old, beautiful oak tree, the carpenter asked his apprentice: “Do you know why this tree is so tall, so huge, so gnarled, so old and beautiful?”. The apprentice looked at his master and said: “No…why?”. “Well,” the carpenter said, “because it is useless. If it had been useful it would have been cut long ago and made into tables and chairs, but because it is useless it could grow so tall and so beautiful that you can sit in its shade and relax”. 

In solitude, we can grow old freely without being preoccupied with our usefulness and we can offer a service which we had not planned on…. More often than not, we not only desire to do meaningful things, but we often make the result of our work the criteria of our self-esteem. And then we not only have successes, we become our successes… When we start being too impressed by the results of our work, we slowly come to the erroneous conviction that life is one large scoreboard where someone is listing the points to measure our worth.

Is is in this solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the result of our efforts. 

My name is Nathan, and I am a people-pleaser. But beyond that innate part of who I am, there is also a natural desire to achieve and accomplish – there have been profound times in my life that I was able to see the good that results from hard work, strategy, and creativity. And truthfully, none of that success can be affiliated with my personal ambitions, but rather the grace shown to me. Tonight, I was reminded through the writing of Nouwen how badly we all need this time to get away from the noise and rhythms that we create, often times without even recognizing it. In an achieving culture of self-promotion, resume-passing, and false perceptions of identity, I am quite guilty of failing to understand the grace poured out into my life.  One of my favorite reminders comes from Phillip Yancey, who writes:

“there is nothing we can do to make God love us more.” Yet at the same time “there is nothing we can do to make God love us less.” 

Find peace this week in that affirmation. I am challenging myself to do the same.